Thursday, November 29, 2012

A Google Car? Yes Please. But What About a Facebook Car?

I can't wait to own a Google driverless car, especially if they come out with a metallic blue convertible. I imagine it will be like a den on wheels. Want to cruise around town while having cocktails and watching Downtown Abbey? But of course. Only questions: Where should we go, and will that be a pomegranate martini or a cosmo?

Of course, once there is a Google car for purchase, other corporate-branded, self-driving cars are inevitable. A few examples, if you will.

The Facebook Car

A giant 'Like' button with four doors and wheels, the Facebook car will let you video chat and IM with friends to enliven mundane chores, like driving to the hair salon. In fact, you can have your hair done, even dyed, while driving across town for a dinner engagement. Just pull up to the salon, yell out the car window to your stylist, "Hey barber, get in!," and off you go. Your friends around the globe can give you an instant thumbs up or down on your new style and color. But why stop there? Get a Brazil wax on the way to a Brazilian restaurant. The only downside is that, in keeping with Facebook's privacy practice, the car will automatically post on your timeline, to the entire world, every place you go. And of course, you'll have no way to prevent this from happening. In other words, it will be just like Facebook. So if you're planning a trip to a Las Vegas brothel and you're married, might I suggest a taxi instead?

The Krispy Kreme Car
 
Imagine a giant glazed doughnut cruising along on the highway and you've got an idea of what the Krispy Kreme Car will look like. This one will also sport a giant neon 'hot light' that automatically turns on whenever a conveyer belt in the backseat produces freshly made doughnuts. Instead of air bags, the Krispy Kreme Car will be equipped with vomit bags that automatically engage once you've consumed more than a dozen doughnuts at once and hit one too many potholes. Just for the fun of it, the vomit bags will be decorated with the Dunkin' Donuts logo.


The Apple Car

The iCar, as it will surely be named, will have only one button, an on/off switch. Everything else will be controlled on a giant touchscreen that replaces the entire windshield. (Who needs to see those tedious pedestrians?) The car will be gorgeous, sleek, cool and sophisticated. Fans will stand in line for weeks to get one. And, in keeping with Apple's corporate philosophy, the car will only take you to places that Apple pre-approves (unless, of course, you get someone to jailbreak your car).

As you can see, the possibilities are endless. Which corporate-branded driverless car are you waiting for? Just don't ask for a 'MySpace car,' however; that one will only take you to dead-end roads.

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10 comments:

  1. Love the idea of a vomit bag. You should patent it.

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    1. I should! But the airlines might have something to say about it.

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  2. You always seem to make me laugh while also making some very well developed remarks. The thought of cars like this is a bit scary but I guess anything is possible in the future. All I know is that I would not want to be the one liable for the many mishaps that will most likely occur!

    I LOVE the Krispy Kreme Car & its Dunkin' Donuts barf bags. The iCar & its single button is so spot on, I can't wait to share this :) Thanks for another wickedly entertaining post!

    xo,

    Lady Grace

    www.LadyElizabethGrace.com

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    1. I thought you might enjoy this one, LEG! xoxox p.s. So glad I know who you are now!

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  3. Man, I used to love MySpace. At one point, the husband asked an entire country to be his friend.

    Can we eat the Krispy Kreme car? Meaning, is it an edible vehicle? Because if it is, I'm all over that.

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    1. I don't think you'd want to eat the car, unless it runs on doughnut grease instead of gasoline. If that's the case, chow down, girl!

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  4. The Gallo salami car

    Just because I am a huge fan of Gallo salami... really

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    1. Too funny! And if the car gets into the middle of a three-car pileup, you have a salami sandwich.

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  5. How about a blogger car? The entire skin of the car will be a screen that displays your stories. A Twitter car, will only go very short distances, 140 feet...Love it Jim!

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    1. Bill, I was trying to think of something funny to say about a Twitter car but got stumped. Leave it to you to do just that!

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