Sunday, December 30, 2012

New Year's Resolutions for Southerners and San Franciscans

Time to make New Year's Resolutions. Even though most resolutions have the life span of a butterfly with a bad cough, it never hurts to pause, reflect, and vow to be a better person in the coming year.

In the spirit of the season, the following are New Year's Resolutions from imaginary Southerners and San Franciscans--two demographics I admire, love, consider myself a member of, and, yes, enjoy poking fun at. I've also added some vintage New Year's Eve photos I found online, just for the heck of it.

Weight

The Southerner: "I want to see my shoes again while standing up. Mostly to make sure they're not white and it's after Labor Day."

The San Franciscan: "My goal is to keep my weight down and my Klout score up."


Getting Organized

The Southerner: "I resolve to stop storing my pistol in my makeup drawer."

The San Franciscan: "I will remember that after drinking my Starbucks non-fat-one-Splenda-extra-foamy-double-tall latte, I will put the used cup, brown paper 'sleeve,' and wooden stir stick into the composting bin. The plastic lid goes in recycling. And those bottles of 'ethical' plastic water bottles I bought go into my messenger bag so I won't have to pay the 10 cent paper bag fee."


Budget

The Southerner: "Start putting pocket change into my Piggly Wiggly piggy bank. Those summer shag dancing competitions in Myrtle Beach don't come cheap!"

The San Franciscan: "I resolve to not blow my budget this year for medical marijuana lollipops and leather chaps for the Folsom Street Fair, and to add money to my budget to offset my carbon footprint whenever I drive my Prius to Whole Foods."


Giving Back

The Southerner: "It's time for me to give back all those casserole dishes my cousins brought to my house for MeeMaw's 105th birthday party."

The San Franciscan: "I will stop hogging the electrical vehicle charging station in the Noe Valley Walgreen's parking lot."


Career

The Southerner: "I resolve to leave my job as a banker in Charlotte for something totally different--like being a banker in Atlanta."

The San Franciscan: "It's time I left my exhausting job at Google and got an exhausting job at Facebook. Besides, Facebook's chef is, like, way better than Google's."


Your Resolutions?

Whether you're a Southerner, a San Franciscan, or something entirely different, what are your New Year's resolutions? Serious or silly, I'd love to hear them.

Pin It!

15 comments:

  1. That was good as usual.
    I was a southerner and a san francisco, and I resolve NOT to let too many days pass without stopping by here again.
    Happy new Year from Paris...the best to you and yours in 2013
    Tim

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear Paris has a rocking New Year's Eve celebration. Have fun, and Happy New Year to you too, Tim. -- Jim

      Delete
  2. Let's see...more cooking with pimento cheese? How about learning the ins and outs of moonshine?

    Thanks for pointing out the vast differences (wait---isn't that a body part?) between the left coast and this little part of heaven I call home.

    I wish you the happiest 2013. My resolution is to surround myself with people just like you: warm and witty.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a good resolution to keep, Judi. Thank you! And I hope our paths cross in person in 2013! I owe you a bunch of hugs.

      Delete
  3. Oh no, this New Yorker has become a Southerner! I had no idea what the San Franciscan things even were (other than the Prius) but the Southern things were totally understood (perhaps I should give back all the casserole dishes too).

    Blessings to you for a wonderful New Year!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Colleen, Happy New Year to you too -- Jim

      Delete
  4. I think maybe, after reading those SF resolutions, I now remember why I moved from The City almost 40 years ago

    I can't even begin to relate to those people

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ivan, I exaggerated the SF resolutions--but not by a lot. Happy New Year. -- Jim

      Delete
  5. I am from the south (Northwest Alabama) and this post cracked me up! As a fellow southerner, I can totally relate to your blog. I will definitely be reading it on a regular basis.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Kristen, Glad you enjoyed the post and hope you come back! Jim

      Delete
  6. Love the gun resolution!
    This year I resolve to:
    1. Get on with landing that ideal job.
    2. As a new resident in Belgium; stop and look up and all about more often to appreciate where I am.
    3. Start using the new yet classic (exotic to me) ingredients available to me in my cooking.
    4. Learn to speak Nederlands and French fluently (a tall order for both).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good luck, Gabriel, and have fun in Belgium. I've been to Antwerp and Brugge and loved both. Jim

      Delete
  7. A little late on the comment but as a Southerner(GA/NC) living in Oakland, I found this post hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Jasmine! Where in NC did you live? I grew up in Greensboro, went to school in Charlotte; also lived in Atlanta.

      Delete
    2. Charlotte, and over near Jacksonville by the coast. I mostly grew up in Augusta though.

      Delete