Monday, October 7, 2013

3 Sure-Fire Solutions to the Government Shutdown

The federal government is still partially shut down. Late last week, CNN reported that both the Democrats and Republicans said they're winning the stalemate, which means everyone else is losing. What can be done about it?

Easy. Send the citizens of Boston down to Washington. They'll whip Congress into shape.

Think about it. On a Monday, terrorists bombed the Boston Marathon. By the following Friday, the terrorists had been identified and a city-wide can of whoop-ass had been unleashed on them. So imagine what results we might achieve if we dispatched to Washington a group of 'don't-mess-with-us' Boston citizens and police officers?

If the people of Boston have better things to do, here's another solution to the stalemate: cut off Congress's liquor. Senators and house members are notorious for their love of adult beverages, and reportedly during the shutdown there's been a lot of "Bottoms up!" So let's hold their hootch hostage, and the government will be back up and running faster than John Boehner can kick back a shot of scotch. (The gossip is that Boehner loves his booze.)


Still not enough? Let's get technology and entertainment wizards involved. Project a lifelike hologram of Joan Crawford from Mildred Pierce, entering the House of Representatives and Senate chambers with padded shoulders and a pistol. "Congress, I'm seeing you for the first time, and you're cheap and horrible!," Joan would say. "Now get this country back to work before I kill you!"


Problem solved. Until the next government gridlock/stalemate/shutdown, which should happen in about, oh, 25 minutes.

Pin It!

9 comments:

  1. there you go!

    Project a lifelike hologram of Joan Crawford from Mildred Pierce, entering the House of Representatives and Senate chambers with padded shoulders and a pistol. "Congress, I'm seeing you for the first time, and you're cheap and horrible!," Joan would say. "Now get this country back to work before I kill you!"

    ReplyDelete
  2. if your ideas do not work, how about locking them up like they do juries, but not letting them out until a deal is reached. No booze, no pills, no good restaurant food. Maybe bread and water.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Can I nominate you to run the planet?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Judi, I can barely handle raccoons creeping into my home...

      Delete
  4. Jim, I am with you on the Boston thing. I saw it first hand. We shut the city down and I have never been so proud. I'll join the Boston gang, because honestly, their are some asses I'd like to kick!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love it. You've got that sweet Southern spirit with a healthy dose of Yankee don't mess with me attitude!

      Delete
  5. Juju, your comment is so funny!

    ReplyDelete